We each have a need to be heard
The most basic human need is to understand and to be understood.
But most people do not listen; they listen with the goal of responding
To respond is to react, and to react is not to listen.
The art of listening is through silence.
Look at these word and mix them up. Listen. Silent. A perfect anagram.
The essence of listening is in silence:
- Do not judge
- Do not question
- Do not fix
Be the silence that is needed when someone else speaks.
For many, being silent feels like being inactive. But listening is the act of paying attention, the act of consideration. The silence is not suppression; it’s where understanding begins.
So the next time you are prepared to speak, realize that you can listen and learn in silence.
The art of listening begins with:
Silence is the source of acknowledgement
Silence is the presence of appreciation.
Silence is the genesis of connecting one with another.
If you can stand the silence you will probably understand the spoken words.
Lead From Within: It is through silence that wisdom comes. The Art of Listening is what we get when we want to be heard.
N A T I O N A L B E S T S E L L E R
The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness
After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.
Additional Reading you might enjoy:
- 12 Successful Leadership Principles That Never Grow Old
- A Leadership Manifesto: A Guide To Greatness
- How to Succeed as A New Leader
- 12 of The Most Common Lies Leaders Tell Themselves
- 4 Proven Reasons Why Intuitive Leaders Make Great Leaders
- The One Quality Every Leader Needs To Succeed
- The Deception Trap of Leadership
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.
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21 Responses
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to “The Art Of Listening”
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October 24, 2012
[…] The Art Of Listening Written by: Lolly Daskal […]
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November 14, 2012
[…] for me, one skill is the most neglected – silence! In her recent blog Lolly Daskal sums it up nicely. She says that it is a basic human need to understand and to be […]
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April 8, 2013
[…] her article, ‘The Art of Listening’ on her website, Lolly Daskal has some wise words on the subject. She maintains that we all have a […]
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November 3, 2013
[…] here about improving our listening skills. It is resource rich so use it as a reference. Here I go! Lolly Daskal has some really good thoughts on listening. “The art of listening is through […]
Allen Slade
23. Oct, 2012
Great post. We fail to listen because of arrogance, not a lack of skill. We are able to be silent – we choose to talk because we value our own words more than we value the other person.
Frank Sonnenberg
23. Oct, 2012
GREAT post Lolly. Communication isn’t simply the act of talking. Real communication requires give and take. I especially like your line, “But most people do not listen; they listen with the goal of responding.” It’s so true. Thanks so much for sharing.
Sam
23. Oct, 2012
There isn’t a day in my life i don’t pay attention to your daily wisdom & learn from you Lolly . You are an inspiration for a lot of folks . Wishing you the best as you deserve it .
Sidney Peck
23. Oct, 2012
Listening is truly an art. One of my pet peeves is people that interrupt. Not only is it rude, but like you mentioned here, it indicates that they’re actually not interested in communicating. Do that with me on a regular basis and I loose interest in continuing the conversation and relationship. Good at you, Lolly!
Jos
23. Oct, 2012
The essence of listening is in silence:
Do not judge
Do not question
Do not fix
It is in my nature to help and solve problems.
I can’t help it. But I’m aware of this.
It’s a habbit that I’m trying to change…
Wayne McEvilly
23. Oct, 2012
Lolly –
First of all, Thank You.
This post is on my favorite subject, and my favorite activity: Listening.
Of all the skills that a human being might choose to cultivate, this one is at the top of the list when it comes to importance, utility, and discovery.
The silence of listening is the only way we might enter the depths of our own mind and thus be open to the depths of another through their communications, both verbal and unspoken.
You have given us all a great gift in this post.
Some of the central points for me are:
“The essence of listening is in silence:Do not judge
Do not question
Do not fix”
“The art of listening is through silence.”
I hope everyone who participates in tonight’s LeadFromWithin chat has come to it having listened to your post.
You are rare. You are gifted. You are generous. And you bring all of this to weekly and daily. This takes a big commitment. I would like you to know how much I value what you do.
Wayne
Edward Colozzi
23. Oct, 2012
Perfect Lolly,
The Power of Presence to foster Right Relationship:)
Thank you, EdC
Sissym
23. Oct, 2012
Lolly,
This text is very good to reflect.
Listen in silence is hard, when we can do this get the reliability.
Cheers
Carka
24. Oct, 2012
Thanks Lolly! This my first time reading your post…and what a great way to start! My listening skills is something that I have gotten very conscious of as I grow older. I am working on it!
Kakie
25. Oct, 2012
I really enjoyed this post Lolly. It takes some people time to learn how to get comfortable with silence. When they do, there is wisdom that comes in all there is to learn and teach.
Sandra Harriette
10. Feb, 2013
I found your link through Reddit and I’m glad I did. I love writing about creative ways to be a better listener myself:
Listen. Repeat. Drink some coffee.
Keep up the conversation! What may come naturally to you can be a profound realization to others as long as you share it.
T. Pow
12. Mar, 2013
LOVE IT..i am learning this skill…provide tips on those who suffer from ADHD/ADD…..
face slimmer
19. Apr, 2013
Valuable information. Fortunate me I discovered your web site unintentionally, and
I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t came about in advance! I bookmarked it.
lollydaskal
22. Apr, 2013
When you find ourselves on our journey, we must acknowledge that we need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools of our lives and our leadership and living.
JOE DAHL
08. May, 2013
Miss Lolly,
If there is a daily email, please place me on your list. Congratulations on your success.
Joe Dahl
Name (required)
09. Dec, 2016
Great post, lolly.don’t listen to respond, but to understand and be understood!
Katie Mahony
17. Dec, 2016
You’re messages are inspirational and on point. I appreciate and agree with your most recent tweet/post regarding Listening.
A strongly communicated tactic to utilize in mental health therapy sessions, it is one I realize to be true, while also difficult at times, and concur with you that it can be a learned skill if practiced with diligence. The result: The person speaking feels significant and validated; the Listener learns patience, respect and appreciation. The Outcome: A beneficial one for all.
Katie Mahony