Two men shared a hospital room. One was allowed to sit up in his bed beside the window for an hour each afternoon; the other had to stay flat on his back.
Every afternoon the man by the window would pass the time by describing all the things he could see outside the window. There was a park with a lovely lake, with the city skyline in the distance. There were trees and flowers and sunshine and clouds and all manner of people doing all manner of things.
As the man by the window described the day’s scenes, the man on the other side would close his eyes and imagine them. It was by far his favorite time of the day.
After the man by the window died peacefully in his sleep one night, the other man was moved beside the window. He pulled himself up slowly to take his first look in weeks at the world outside.
The window, he discovered, faced a blank wall.
Telling the story to a nurse, he wondered why his roommate would have described such varied scenes in place of the wall. And that’s when he learned that the man had been blind—he hadn’t seen the wall any more than the things he’d described.
When times are hard and challenging; we can best overcome our own struggles and limitations by choosing to give as leaders to others:
The more you give, the more you get. It isn’t the command-and-control way of leadership that wins the day. The best leaders get what they have by giving.
The more you care, the more they share. Encouraging others to contribute and collaborate, the best leaders know it’s not how much we give but how we give that matters most.
The more you serve, the more they are committed. Encouraging others brings about commitment, creativity, problem-solving, and productivity.
The more you celebrate, the more victories. Don’t wait for the conclusion of a big project—celebrate the victories, large and small, every day.
The more respect, the more trust. What goes around, comes around. The best leaders give respect and earn trust in return.
The more focus, the more strength. When you focus on strength of others, you are more likely to going to get more engagement from them.
The more vulnerability, the more power: Being vulnerable grants important benefits to those who stay open. The best leaders know the source of power is vulnerability.
The more struggle, the more grace. Loss saves us from ourselves and creates leaders. Leadership is based on the strength that is born from struggle.
The more authentic, the more transparent. Leaders who embrace transparency encourage others to work for their own authenticity and virtue.
The habit of giving enhances the desire to give. Do not concern yourself with how much you receive, just know in your heart it will be returned.
Lead From Within: At the end of the day, the leader who leads from within knows that there is no greater joy than doing something for others. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
N A T I O N A L B E S T S E L L E R
The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness
After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.
Additional Reading you might enjoy:
- 12 Successful Leadership Principles That Never Grow Old
- A Leadership Manifesto: A Guide To Greatness
- How to Succeed as A New Leader
- 12 of The Most Common Lies Leaders Tell Themselves
- 4 Proven Reasons Why Intuitive Leaders Make Great Leaders
- The One Quality Every Leader Needs To Succeed
- The Deception Trap of Leadership
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.
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19 Responses
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to “We Choose Our Leadership By How Much We Give”
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Martina McGowan
26. Aug, 2014
Well-said, Lolly. People follow our leadership and remain committed and dutiful to our causes often based on what they can see in us and our own dedication. People will not follow someone who is selfish, narcissistic, inwardly focused or disloyal long or well. What we bring to the table is magnified in those who follow, both good and not so good. It is by our servanthood and good stewardship of our resources, including our people, that we raise up other good leaders.
Alli Polin
26. Aug, 2014
What a beautiful story! As leaders, the more we imagine what’s possible, it gives others inspiration to do the same.
I’ve also come to realize that your point on vulnerability is so often overlooked. Too many leaders think that their leadership requires constant strength and perfection but what it really requires is living their vulnerable truth.
Thank you for your inspiration!!!
Alli
lollydaskal
26. Aug, 2014
Alli
To be vulnerable is not easy, its the essence of life and yet it takes courage to be vulnerable and that is not always so easy.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Appreciate you.
Lolly
David Tumbarello
26. Aug, 2014
These dualisms are about giving, but I realize that in order to have these opportunities (to give, to care, to celebrate…) we need others in our lives. And we don’t just need others. I mean, I have X hundred contacts on social media but they are not really in my life. In order for someone to be in my life (so I have an opportunity to give) – in order for this, I need to be involved, interested, invested in others. For this reason, I volunteer, I work at relationships, I invite people over & arrange events. And then I have opportunities to give, and by giving we truly live.
lollydaskal
26. Aug, 2014
David,
We can give to strangers and we can give to friends.
Giving is not limited only to those we know or need.
Giving to those we are interested in, invested in, involved in, is an added plus.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Very inspiring.
Lolly
Bob Vanourek
26. Aug, 2014
Ultimately, there are 2 kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. Each of us should consciously decide what we shall be. I choose to be a giver, just like Lolly.
Thank you for a wonderful story and wise lessons.
lollydaskal
26. Aug, 2014
Bob you are a true GIVER. You inspire me everyday!
Thanks for your stopping by. Means the world to me.
Hitansu
26. Aug, 2014
Great as always
lollydaskal
26. Aug, 2014
Thanks Hitansu!
Terri Klass
26. Aug, 2014
I loved the story and the wisdom of turning struggle into learning and selflessness.
We see what we want to see. We share what we want to share. It is only when we lead by seeing the gifts and beauty in others that we lift ourselves up too.
Powerful yet simple. You are a giver, Lolly and the wisdom you continue to share is extraordinary! Thank you for being you!!
Terri
Sunil Jogdeo
27. Aug, 2014
Very inspiring one. Few years back I happened to attend Dr. Prakash Amte’s (son of a social activist Dr. Baba Amte who worked on people with leprosy by actually staying with them) orchestra. The stage was dark and it was not possible to know who are the people who are playing the orchestra. The quality of performance was extraordinary. When slowly stage lit up, and dr. amte started sharing information of the performers, it was enlightenment experience. Most of the performers were either blind or had polio or leprosy victims. How can a blind person playing synthesizer perfectly tunes to connect a polio victim person who is singing? How does a blind singer knows where to start and stop and reflect with orchestra during his / her performance? Above all, I wondered, how Dr. Praskash Amte has made it all happen? What kind of leader he would be. Here, perhaps what Lolly has shared comes forth. Give and get in return what you wish. The general scenario looks reverse in the commercial world. People tend to incline more on receiving than giving..thank you Lolly for this inspirational story.
Panteli Tritchew
27. Aug, 2014
A beautiful opening story, Lolly. For me, it illustrates that the best giving comes from generosity of spirit, without expectation of return. With leadership often comes the accoutrements of ROI-Think, and sometimes we forget that generosity comes without expectation. Lovely post.
LaRae Quy
27. Aug, 2014
Beautiful example of how our perception of reality can change by simply changing our mindset.
I love this: “The more struggle, the more grace. Loss saves us from ourselves and creates leaders. Leadership is based on the strength that is born from struggle.”
Too often, I find that leaders shy away from struggle because it often produces failure…they do not understand that failure is also a perception of their reality that is skewed…if leaders would change their mindset so that struggles, failure, and vulnerability were seen as avenues to growth, they would become the sort of leader we all need….
Thanks for sharing, Lolly! Great post as always!
David Brooks
09. Sep, 2014
Words of Wisdom!
Thanks Lolly!
Willeke
02. Feb, 2015
Wonderful story about the great gift of the blind man. My daily inspiration from you. Thanks for sharing Lolly!
John
28. Jul, 2015
Lolly I remember a movie with a similar story as a child. I must ask my parents if they could remember it.
Great story and thanks for sharing.
yassine nazzal
17. Feb, 2017
Really Great article
yassine nazzal
17. Feb, 2017
Really Great article!